KABUL—The Taliban banned the BBC after accusing Britain of spending nearly two centuries trying to crush Afghan nationalism before subcontracting the unfinished empire to Pakistan.
“Britain invaded us in 1839 with soldiers,” Muttaqi said. “It returned with borders, Pakistani generals and the BBC. At least the British knew when to retreat. Their successors have been declaring victory over Afghanistan ever since.”
Kabul traced the imperial franchise through the Soviet war, the Mujahideen and the Taliban, accusing Rawalpindi of replacing Afghan nationalism with religious obedience.
Pakistan rejected the charge. “We are completely independent,” ISPR spokesman said. “We manage Britain's colonial inheritance without British supervision.”
Former BBC journalist Ismail Miakhel offered a contingency plan worthy of his former employer: “If Project Taliban fails, Britain can always audition the Tommy Association of Afghanistan in Birmingham, represented by Kabir Isakhel. The empire doesn't need another invasion. It needs a new contractor.”
Muttaqi denied that the Taliban was the final product of the arrangement. “We defeated foreign rule,” he said. “We simply retained the borders, the enemies and the instructions.”
Pakistan requested royalties for managing the transition.
The Taliban declared Afghanistan fully independent, having achieved what three Anglo-Afghan wars could not: a government of Afghans that treats Afghan nationalism as a threat to national security.